Protected: Realisation – September 6 2013

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Admission – September 5 2013

When I start to think about the complexities of the human body I feel overwhelmed by the strange qualities of the organic structure we each exist within. I have always felt alienated by my body. It feels as though I am living in an ill fitting skin. Yet, by nature, I am a very kinesthetic person. I love to dance. I love sex. Perhaps I have sought to understand my physical form by dancing in it, moving in it, discovering the pleasure that can be wrought from it. I suppose it is little wonder that I have always had an intense desire for someone to dominate my physical form. Perhaps to provide some boundary and organization to the discovery of the skin I am in. Sometimes the need is so strong I can no longer bare it. I cannot breathe. I am struck mute with anxiety and desire. I need to submit my very being. But only to a deserving dominant. And I am still afraid to let go, to give into this desire. It is so deep I feel my entire geography might be lost. Yet I want it. It feels right. Yet what is ‘it’? How do I articulate this to my partner who occasionally likes to be mildly dominant. I wonder does he want more? I want to be left tied up blindfolded on my knees to contemplate what he might do to me on his return. Will he punish me for getting wet and horny while I wait, give me his hard cock to suck or fuck me senseless? God how I want it. I want this control over myself. I want to gift my submission to him. I believe that is why I have been drawn to tango. A good follow submits to the lead yet is a strong person with personality, grace, sensuousness and physicality. A submissive is not weak minded or unintelligent, they simply have a different need, a different almost insatiable hunger. I feel I simply need Domination just as I need to breathe.

Chained

This morning you placed a gold chain around my waist. You secured it with a tiny padlock. You placed the key in your pocket and advised me that I was not permitted to wear panties today. All day I would wear this symbol of our promise to each other. All day the loose length of the chain rubbed against my warm moist sex reminding me that I am yours and held the promise of relief from the constant arousal it was bringing me. When I arrived home from work and began making our meal you tease me pulling the loose length between my legs and rubbing it against my hot swollen clit and labia. I try to continue focussing on my task while you mercilessly bring me to the edge of heaven. We eat, the whole time you know I am desperate for relief, suspended in that exquisite place of aching to cum but loving the sensation of withholding the pleasure.

After the meal. I clean up then you tell me to go to our room and strip naked so I am left wearing only your chain. Then I am to bend over the end of the bed, legs spread wide and await your pleasure. I can hear you moving around the house and working on the computer before finally coming down the hallway to our room. A single finger slides slowly inside me gauging my wetness and hot swollen arousal. I moan with desire and the finger is removed. I can hear you lick my juices from your finger. “You have been a horny little slut all day haven’t you?” Yes Sir. “Thinking about cumming all day long?” Yes Sir. “My dirty girl needs a spanking.” Yes please Sir. Then you are rubbing oil into my skin, over my pale cheeks, allowing the cool oil to drizzle down between them then oiling my labia lips and clit, circling my tight sphincter and oiling just inside me gently but firmly pushing into me with your strong rough finger. Then the sting of your palm on my left cheek then the right, again and again followed by more oil and your massaging fingers probing my open wetness. Now a different sensation as you thwack the leather crop on my cheeks the pain a stunning contrast to my aching desire. You have finished spanking my ass cheeks and now gently apply the crop to my clit. The first strike sets me afire the following harder ones have me desperate for your cock. Then your lips are on me your tongue probing inside me tasting all of my offering. Now your fingers roughly inside me and tongue pushing against my anus. God I want your cock in me. Then you oblige pushing your silky hardness deep into me as deep as you can go. Your hands grip my hips as you slide deep and hard in and out in a slow intense rhythm. Then deep short hard thrusts your head finding the sweet spot that makes me weak at the knees. I am on the verge of cumming when you pull out and mercilessly suckle my clit causing me to gush. God it feels incredible but I am ashamed you didn’t tell me to let go, to release. You turn me over now pushing me to orgasm, demanding my orgasm, with your dexterous fingers rubbing and slapping my clit you mouth and tongue attacking my depths. Then your mouth is on my nipple sucking hard your hand pulling roughly on the other. I am lost in ecstasy as again you slide your cock in me riding me while sucking and pinching my breasts. You have to release your mouth in order to enter me more deeply you push my legs wide apart knees up to find the angle you want. Then you are slowly fucking me teasingly drawing out the pleasure for both of us. The chain is still rubbing against me adding to the multiple sensations you are inflicting all pushing towards blissful pleasure and mind altering orgasms. They crash around me and I am helpless within the tide of release surging through me. I can feel the tension growing in your cock as my orgasms strengthen you become harder and harder then you tell me you are going to cum inside me, the hot rush of it, the moment of stillness as your cum enters me filling me with more heat. The waves continue, surging, then slowing as our heart rates calm and we return to ourselves from the merging of our bodies.

Sublime Surrender…

… has transformed

 

I am back breathless and more than a little astonished at where life’s journey takes us sometimes. I had an awful situation where the search engine blocker seems to have failed. I was relying on this function to protect my identity and shared a version of my recent tango post on another forum. Someone in my local tango community went looking for, well I am not really sure what they went looking for, and came up with a link to Sublime Surrender which they publicly posted in response to my non-anonymous post. This was on a forum with no moderation on comments. Basically they seem to have thought I had plagiarised but you can’t actually plagiarise yourself now can you? I removed their comment and let them know that the blog was mine and the words were also mine and a discussion went down where they were most curious as to why I did not wish to link these two forums. So I deleted my blog to protect my identity.

 

I have been feeling very hurt by this whole situation. Mostly because it felt as though this person, an acquaintance with shared interest and I thought friend, was attempting to publicly discredit me. This may have been the case but I am practicing forgiveness in a small town with a small tango population and will do my best to let go of ill feeling but maintain my guard. Lesson learned.

 

What have I learned? To be more careful and it’s ok to be assertive in response to protecting yourself but it is important to conduct yourself well. I don’t think in this case that my best face was shown so I will be working on mending fences and hold my head high in my tango world. Further; patience, an eye opener for one who thought she was patient (many thanks to my wordpress ‘inspirator’ – inventing a word here conspirator, inspiration you get me and know who you are Sir) but hey, I am a work in progress.

 

I have also found that I miss this wordpress community and that it is wonderful nourishment for my soul. Many of my new anonymous friends have been very supportive and I am feeling very grateful. I will be reposting many of my older posts and pick up from where I left off…