Visitor

I woke with the strangest feeling that there was someone at the door, a visitor of some kind. Light had not yet come to the windows; the cat was curled peacefully next to me. Rubbing my eyes I checked the time, 3am. Rising I wrapped my black silk nightgown over my matching nightdress. My warm bare feet touched the cool wooden floorboards and I padded softly out of my bedroom and down the hallway. A flickering glow registered in my vision it was emanating from the front room, I wondered briefly if the television was left on. As I get closer though I see that there is a human shaped glow, flickering as a candle in the breeze, just inside the front doorway. I stopped short, I must be dreaming. Transfixed I stand only a few feet away observing.

It is a man. His face comes into focus then fades to white noise. Strangely, I am not afraid only curious. I step closer. As I reach with trembling fingers to touch the apparition forming before me I shiver, such a handsome face, did I know him from somewhere? His form becomes more substantial as I reach for it. As my fingertips make contact I gasp he is warm, alive, and real. Fear grips me as my rational mind decides this is not a dream. I cannot retrieve my hand I find I do not want to and his eyes made of light and shadow are pleading with me. His mouth forms words that I cannot hear.

My heart wrenches in my chest, I can see you, touch you why can I not hear your words? “Why have you come here?” His eyes so sad but filled with love reach deeply into me. Then the heat in my hand is gone as his light flickers and snuffs out leaving only shadow. My heart beat thunderously in my chest. I want to throw open the door and chase him but I know he is not there. I know that he has gone from this world. Slowly I drop my arm closing my eyes to sear the memory of his face in my mind. The cat is suddenly at my feet mewling quietly, I drop to pat her and allow her to lead me back to bed.

Groggily I drag myself through my work day. Running late for most of it I dive into a salad bar I have never been to find something nutritious for lunch. There are few tables and only one seat left at a table for two. I make my way over, preparing to ask if the seat is free. As I get closer the man looks up at me I freeze, the same man, my apparition in full colour his bright blue eyes beam at me his friendly smile open and inviting. “This seat is free if you like?” I sit knowing that last night you had come to warn me or bid me farewell and now here you were arriving in my life. I could chose to walk away, instead I meet your handsome glowing eyes and return your smile knowing already that my cat is going to like you.

Words by errant satiety

 

Luminous

dance_in_the_shutter_IX_by_mehmeturgut

It doesn’t always feel harmonious within me. I gnash my teeth in frustration. Tears form relentlessly at times. Pain sears my soul. Yet always I seek, I reach for the beloved. The real. The truth. That it would be nurtured deep within, through and through all my fibers. That the fruit taste sweet and juicy. That passion would touch my lips and suck my tongue. That my mind would grasp the wispy tendrils of knowing and whisper them through my all. That the notes of my laughter awaken. That the radiance in my eyes speak. That the essence of my dance sing.

When I danced tonight I soared with connection. My skin felt incandescent and sparks flew from my edges. These moments soothe the longing. The longing that grows with every moment that I allow my heart to open, to feel, I sense the loss the separation, the ‘catch 22’, the reality of polarization, of humanity. Love fills the rift, first love of the self then the love of others. Purpose provides comfort even if the truth is not yet fully seen. And when it is revealed, even in the briefest of moments or encounters my smile, my heart, my whole is luminous.

Surrender to life.

Words by errant satiety images from deviantArt

dance_in_the_shutter_XII_by_mehmeturgut

‘Love after Love’

The time will come

When, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

 

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit, Feast on your life.

– Derek Walcott

Today, simply today

Fullness in my heart, magic tingling across my skin. A blissful day today. Simple pleasures provide a rich joy in life, a joy that carries me through the longing. I can imagine a future where my dreams & goals will be achieved. Patience is a virtue … even when frustration threatens to drown my thoughts with emotion, or perhaps particularly then.

Eclipse

Somnium Eclipse

Rich in dreams I wander between worlds. I am your morning, you my evening. I am your tomorrow, you my yesterday. A gentleness descends upon my shoulders, unbidden sadness awakes within my heart. Opposing seasons between the hemispheres and I long for the company of one I have never met. To sit and talk, sharing a bottle of wine as sun sets rather than it setting in your world yesterday as it rises in mine today.

Words errant satiety, image Justin Cherry

Right on time

“I believe this. When we meet those we fall in love with, there is an aspect of our spirit that is historian, a bit of a pedant who reminisces or remembers a meeting when the other has passed by innocently…but all parts of the body must be ready for the other, all atoms must jump in one direction for desire to occur.”

– Michael Ondaatje, ‘The English Patient’.

I bathed in moonlight and scented myself in the night. I dressed ritually, as if for a wedding or some other rite of passage. Finally, soothed, prepared, cloaked to absorb some of my unseemly iridescence, I enter the scene. I know this is the right place and moment. My glance takes in the room mentally checking my celestial clock… right on time. I see him glance up and smell the air. I pass through the room lyrically dancing between the press of swaying intoxicated bodies, smiling knowingly and with warning at the men attempting to intercept my path. They fall away hearts pounding as they watch me move beyond them. You feel my approach turning as I confidently pause. We have not yet entered each others proximity but you know. Your hazel yellow eyes widen and your cloak deepens as you extend a hand. I meet your gaze with my impossible blue eyes as I take your hand I let my cloak fall before you. Lifetimes of faces dance between us as you devilishly smile. Yes you remember me; I have found you once again. My hair still echoes my movement, such little real time has passed. Laughing deeply you take in my smile and offer me a drink. More devil than human you hope to diminish my angelic charm. We have danced this night a thousand times, a thousand different ways, perhaps tonight we might get it right? With a gleam in my eye I reply, “I’ll have an Angel’s Delight.”

To Sing

My veins rumble with the songs of my ancestors. My clan, long known as the secret keepers, those with the long memory to recall the true stories and the lineages of all men were always close to those who ruled and those who communed with the gods. As time passed they became artists and writers, historians and keepers of the faith. I can see clearly in my mind the image of a great hall, one of my ancestors standing next to a great Chieftain introducing each who enter the hall for celebration with their lineage and the defining moments of both their clan and individual lives. The long memory that stretches across time within the blood, stirring and wakening me to the song I was born to sing.