My Father’s Eyes

I saw my Father today. Looking into his eyes, so like my own, strong memory stirred…

I am straddling his giant’s shoulders and we are walking, a symbiotic creature, beneath a dark ocean of night rippling with stars. I felt suspended between Earth and the map of celestial beauty above. Despite my elevated height and awareness of my father’s male strength I feel as minutiae floating in awe of the vast expanse above. We seek glimpse of Halley’s Comet. He tells me in his soft voice hushed in awe that the next time Halley’s Comet returns he will be long gone and I will be an old woman. As I soak in the magnificence of the Milky Way above me I feel for the first time the finite nature of life, am humbled by mortality and the impossible beauty of life. This simple truth spoken beneath the luminous and seemingly immortal stars brought understanding of my impermanence and birthed an intense passion within me to live well.

Returning to the present moment I am struck by my Father’s fragility. Age, but particularly illness are changing him. Still a giant in my eyes, our roles are adapting it is time for the daughter to carry the weight and the Father to enjoy the final walks of his life.

An Artist and His muse; Introductions

Louis Lagrenée (1725-1805) "Philosophy Unveiling Truth"

Louis Lagrenée (1725-1805)
“Philosophy Unveiling Truth”

Continued from Morning Yearning

 A glorious week had passed. Each day offering more delights to my palette of experiences. Long days and nights of sensuous lovemaking and rampant fucking, his daily delight in washing me, feeding me and binding me in creative postures whilst he drew me. Sometimes we would be in silence for hours while I posed or we would talk through all manner of topics. I was becoming accustomed to being left bound when he went out for supplies and he had taken me out to a café for lunch whilst I had a butt plug inserted within my no-longer taboo ass. He sat next to me that he could penetrate me with his fingers and tease my clitoris edging me all through the meal until my panties were soaked and he knew I could no longer hold off. On the way home he pulled me into an alley and fucked me roughly against the wall his hand over my mouth to silence my orgasmic pleasure. He had assured me that we would sight see but not yet. He was still in the process of claiming me and once I truly submitted then we would genuinely venture out into the streets of Paris.

I knew you had something particular planned for today your bright blue eyes gleamed wickedly. As you washed me you were humming, I tried to place the song but was struggling. I thought it was Strauss but I often muddled composers names I dared not to guess incorrectly knowing that you were intent on real punishment from now on. You had informed me last night showing me the potential instruments you would use, a leather riding crop, a bamboo cane, a wooden paddle and you pointed to your belt. I could see your obvious excitement but these items terrified me. You soothed my worry letting me know that you will take good care of me and never push beyond what I could handle. You remind me this was part of our agreement and that I was free to leave at anytime. If you were to truly own me I needed to surrender and I was becoming accustomed to your hand on my cheeks. I had reddened in remembrance and ached at the thought of my reaction to his spanking me I would drip with desire and beg for more. The sight of his mark on me in the many mirrors in the studio was a reminder of how deeply being with this man was affecting me. I instinctively knew that any other form of punishment would stir the same response.

After our ablutions he had me stand with spread legs and fingers laced behind my back as he tantalizingly massaged coconut oil into my porcelain skin. This sent me into a trance there was only my body and his hands on me firmly, expertly caring for the organ of my skin. He took my hand when he had finished and placed it on his hardness “See what you do to me my sexy muse.” I moaned as I felt how hot and erect his velvet smooth cock was. I let him see in my eyes my desire to taste him. Amused he smiled like a man with a secret “I have other plans for us today, to the bed my dirty girl.” I tear myself from his gaze and walk to the bed. “Lay face up in the middle of the bed.” I do as he asks, then his eyes on mine he begins to bind me first my ankles then my wrists. Kissing me fiercely and giving me a reassuring smile he places a blindfold firmly over my eyes. “You are going to need to trust me implicitly today my muse. There is something special I want you to experience. I believe it will give you great pleasure but it is ok to be scared. This is something I have wanted for a long time but in you the desire has grown so strong I have made it a reality. This will be a gift for both of us.” There was a knock at the door, “Right on time.” He said and I could see his smile in my mind.

My heart was pounding. Who was here? What had he planned? Perhaps they were delivering something… I knew deep down that this was not the case. I heard him unlock and open the door greeting someone in French her voice in reply. A woman? They greeted casually as if she were coming for coffee. I relaxed a little. Perhaps she was here to draw me too. There was something about their tone that assured me they were friends rather than lovers I was somehow certain of it. Humiliation raged through me as I heard the door close and lock again and the clicking of her heels as she entered the room. My French is poor so I was unsure what they are saying to each other. I heard a bag being put down and other indistinct rustling sounds. I am painfully aware of my open naked sex my exposed breasts, my bindings giving me no option but to be laid bare to the eyes of this stranger. I bit my lip as panic rose within me. They were approaching the bed now. “My sweet muse, this is Amelia she has come to assist me today.” I knew I was blushing crimson but that he expected me to reply. Hot tears came to my eyes “Bonjour Amelia.” I stuttered. Amelia replied to me “Un plaisir de vous rencontrer, la muse.” Then she directed her voice back to my Sir “Elle est magnifique. Merci de m’inviter pour la partager.” I was trying to understand but the shame of the moment over road my ability to translate. All I caught was that she thought I was magnificent. “Amelia, “ his voice centered me. “Shall we speak in English? She does not know my intentions here today.” Amelia laughed, “You are too cruel!” Her voice was lovely I imagined she had dark hair and golden brown eyes. “Shall I tell her Monsieur? Or may I simply touch her and you can explain.” These last words had me squirming, “My beautiful muse, Amelia is here to open your body to another woman. I deeply desire to see you pleasured by her and for you to taste her body that you might know the pleasure I gain from yours. I have no intention of touching Amelia; she is not interested in men. We are good friends and she has agreed to make my fantasy a reality. She will permit me to join in but she and I will be focusing on you.” He wanted me to be pleasured by another woman? My brain was overwhelmed; I did not want this stranger to be touching me. “Amelia, please begin.” I heard the unmistakable sound of her shoes being removed and the rustle of clothing then the bed shifted a little as she climbed up next to me. I was trying to calm my mind my breathing was erratic. “It’s ok little one,” Amelia crooned to me. “I know you don’t want me to touch you, that you haven’t asked for this but I will please you. I love to make women feel pleasure. Despite your fear, despite the thought that it is wrong, you will be pleasured and your man demands it. He wants to watch you enjoy what I do to you and what I will ask of you.” Despite myself I felt the familiar twinge of desire form deep within me.

“Mmmm, you are very beautiful.” Her fingers lightly touched my cheek and trailed down to run over my full lips. In an intimate gesture she pulled my lower lip down a little slightly parting my lips. Then she ran her finger down my chin and neck to circle between my breasts. My nipples hardened immediately. “See your body wants me to touch it.” Now she circled around the base of my breast spiraling up to my nipple she continued in tiny circles sending sparks of arousal through my body. Now she repeated the same treatment to my other breast and nipple. I imagined my Sir watching this and the pleasure he said it would give him to see me with her and I started to let my fear ebb away. She wasn’t going to hurt me. Now her mouth bent to my other breast licking firmly before sucking. I moaned. She sucked harder continuing to rub the other breast with her fingers. Her hair cascaded across my body silken against my skin. “You see, your nipples talk to your clitoris, you are swollen and aching aren’t you? If I slid my finger inside you I would find you slick.” I moaned again it was so strange to have a woman touching me. “Answer me girl.” Although I blushed deeply her voice held the same commanding tone as my Sir and I felt compelled to answer her “Yes Madame I am swollen and aching, I am wet.” She sucked my breast more deeply and massaged the other squeezing the nipple taut before pinching it hard between her forefinger and thumb it was exquisite agony. “Good girl, your Monsieur is watching you closely I can see how hard he is getting seeing a woman bringing you pleasure. Maybe if you are good girl he will give you his hard cock.” She continued to tease both of my nipples with her fingers then her lips were on my mouth and her hot tongue pushing between my lips gently probing seeking entry. I gasped her lips were soft and inviting I opened my mouth to her and let her taste me. My tongue came to life responding to her prompts my feet pulling against the restraints.

She moved to straddle me now I could feel the top of her stockings where the garter would meet them against my thighs. I suddenly wanted to see her and wondered if I would be permitted. Her pelvis was hovering just above me as she leaned forward to kiss me some more. Her kisses trailed from my mouth down my body over my breasts and stomach. “Monsieur, if you would like to join us I am going to feast on your muse and edge her until she is writhing and begging. You may want to observe more closely?” I heard his movements as she resumed her kissing and teasing me with her tongue. She ran her tongue down my inner thigh I wanted her to taste me she had me so wet and I wondered what her soft mouth and slender fingers would feel like. “Your muse smells so very sweet Monsieur, I think she likes my mouth on her. I think she wants me to taste her velvet depths.” I nearly spoke, I nearly called out “no” but I knew it wasn’t truthful. I wanted to know what it would be like to cum with a woman’s mouth on me. Her breath on me, so close to my sex, was tantalizing I arched toward her a little and she chuckled slightly before her tongue brushed my clitoris and I moaned loudly. She started lightly pushing her tongue inside me her pleasure moan vibrating against my skin. Then his mouth was on my breast I thought I would cum on the spot but I didn’t have permission from either of them. I pulled on my restraints to help give me the strength to hold on. She slid her fingers inside me “Oh so very wet for me naughty girl.” He slapped my breasts as she fingered me and licked my clit. He was pinching my nipples as she started sucking firmly, I cried out. She paused fingers almost stopped, just ever so slightly moving then the flicker of her tongue lightly teasing my nub, Sir holding my nipples like a clamp then as she started her rhythm again he rubbed my nipples and breasts mercilessly. I could feel his hard cock against me and wanted it in my mouth to contain the moans that were gushing from my mouth. He rubbed his pre-cum on my breasts and repeatedly slapped my nipple with his head. “Oh Sir.” I cried and pushed into her fingers wanting her deeper inside of me. “That’s it my dirty girl, let Amelia drive you wild. It turns me on so much to see her pleasure you knowing it will be my cock that fucks you.” His permission drove me wild. I pushed against Amelia’s tongue and fingers and started to beg her. “Please Amelia, make me cum. I want to cum on your mouth.” She slapped my clitoris hard I cried out it was too good. I couldn’t hold on. Then she removed herself “no, no, please, please.” I pleaded. Amelia chuckled, “Not until you have tasted my juices little muse.” Fear hit me again but my desire was inflamed.

Before I knew what was going on she was sitting above my mouth facing my Sir. I could smell her musty womanliness so like my own. My Sir was still touching my breasts lightly his cock pressing hard against me. Amelia was releasing one of my hands from the restraints but placed her foot on my wrist so I could not yet move it. “Now, little muse, I want you to think of what your Sir does to you, how his mouth explores you. You are going to make me cum thinking about your Sir making you weak at the knees and begging for more. When you want to feel my depths with your fingers you will beg to have your hand released. Is that understood?” Her pussy was so close to my mouth and I found I wanted to taste her to make her feel what he does to me. “Yes Madame, Yes I understand.” Then she pushed her clit to my mouth and I reached gently for it with my tongue. I thought of all the times he had licked me and I took my time I tasted deeply of her wet depths and moaned with the sensation and the knowing that she was responding to me. I opened my mouth wide and pushed as far into her as I could then I begged for my hand to be freed. Once it was I placed my index finger against her ass and allowed my middle finger to enter her. She moaned and pushed against my fingers both now penetrated her she was riding them blissfully. I gave her my tongue and she gasped I imagined she was touching her own breasts. My Sir had moved and I felt his hard cock pushing against my clitoris as he rubbed himself against me. I suckled at her nub and felt the orgasm rising within me. My Sir’s cock and the heady taste of this woman’s juices driving my wild. I could hear her voice changing her orgasm was coming. I increased my fingers speed and depth and was rewarded with her unmistakable cry of ecstasy peaking. Her vulva pulsed around my slender finger her ass clamped me and hot juices gushed over my face. This frightened me and I turned my head “My beautiful muse taste her know what it is like when you gush your hot orgasm all over me, drink my beauty.” His voice directed me and I responded swallowing the hotness of her, I felt her peaking again so I licked her hard until again she was gasping. My Sir plunged his hot hardness deep into me then rode me a little growling like some kind of beast. Amelia was sucking my breasts hard.

“Turn her.” He simply said releasing one of my feet. Amelia released my other arm and they flipped me over. He pulled me roughly up onto my knees “get your hands under you” he said voice his rough with emotion. I felt Amelia slide under me then suddenly her tongue was on my clitoris and Sir plunged into me again. He rode me hard for a moment claiming me as his own then he slowed, Amelia’s hands found my breasts and I was falling into an abyss of pure orgasmic pleasure, “Sir, I am so close may I please cum?” He thrust into me hard and fingered my ass “My beautiful whore you will cum now and not stop until we are spent.” He thrust his fingers deeply into me as he rode me Amelia sucked my clitoris hard while pinching my nipples and I lost myself to the orgasm it peaked and troughed as they un-relentlessly drove me. Amelia’s hands left me and I could hear he touching herself beneath me. I dropped my head to her finding her fingers and her wetness and thrust my fingers deep inside her pounding her as Sir pounded me. Her moans vibrated achingly against my clit I soared again as she did and then my Sir thrust with a final guttural cry. We all continued to shudder Amelia and I entwined, my Sir deep inside me.

Amelia moved first. She disengaged herself and I felt her move from the bed then heard her dressing. She spoke, neither of us moved. “Thank you both for this delightful gift you have shared with me today. I will never forget it.” I heard her heels clicking across the floor. My Sir lay down beside me and removed my blindfold. I caught a glimpse of her long dark hair as she disappeared through the door. Sir gazed at me eyes filled with love. “Thank you beloved muse. I have imagined that experience for a long time, a dominant woman forcing my muse to pleasure for my pleasure. That was delightful.” He kissed me and I him but I was silently absorbing the enormity of the experience. He held me for a long time then drew me, as I lay there still lost in the sensations and the submission. Somehow I felt even more submissive to him, more owned, more His by allowing someone else to manipulate me for his pleasure. Something turned inside me a key opening a part of me that had long been locked away, my submissive nature was emerging under his tutelage and as I gazed at my Sir I felt a sudden urge to call him Master.

Words by errant satiety image Louis Lagrenée (1725-1805)


If I gift you with the depth of my eyes will you honour them? Treat the soul found nestled within with respect even if ‘we’ end? Whispered promises, in stillness beyond the enamoured coiling of our physical selves, whispered promises after we have writhed in ecstatic friction as if to break apart and merge within the other; whispered promises easily forgotten in parting and in loss. Will you cherish me even in ending that our secret selves remain forever a treasure between us not a weapon to maim? How do we allow the passing of the true self, unbidden by falseness or fear? Will you hold an image filled with the memory of the beauty of us, of me standing bearing my naked soul for you only, within your mind to evaluate and whisper our promises before uttering aloud the words that might tear me asunder? Can I do the same with the tender gift of your self?

words by errant satiety


Crack in Time

I carry them within me, beneath my skin. Sensory experience stirs them and they awaken, pulsating thoughts rich with reminder. Eyes closing, breath stirred I tenderly hold the moment awoken beneath fluttering eyelids. Submerged inside, closed from the external I can feel them and clasp them quietly without witness. Can you see their palimpsest upon my skin? Does my history converse upon my body? Momentarily suspended the emphatic now is muted in contrast to then. Unfurling in stillness once again I am whole. They are forever lost to the present yet always carried within.

Words and image by errant satiety



El Sur

You have pierced my soul. Forever there will be an imprint of you within me. Sometimes I think you may eventually become a shadow with softened edges that might fade from my thoughts and memory but when I am honest with myself I know the truth; I will always hunger for you, I will always regret my choices. Foolish choices I had my chance and I, regardless of rational reasoning, I still walked away. I have to live with that and will always wish for a different ending. That we could rewrite our lives…

words and image by errant satiety (image potentially not understood without context, let me know if you would like explanation

Musical offering Peter Gabriel a powerful song and video in my youth


Sometimes I just feel raw filthy dirty desire.

I want to be owned by a man, to be his play thing.

Have him treat me like a whore to do with as he chooses.

I feel it right now.

I want to be fucked hard somewhere out of place.

I want urgency but I also want calm decisive direction.

Push me, pull me, shape me tell me what a dirty sexy girl I am.

I want to worship raw male sexuality with my errant want.

Dripping with intense longing I can barely breathe from want.

Words by errant satiety

Cooling Down

Continued from Summer Heat

(Playlist: for those with an inclination toward opera and those more contemporary.)

From the moment we opened our mouths we couldn’t stop talking. A torrent of conversation flowed between us neither of us wanting the moment to pass. Yet times passing cannot be slowed, the hot sun came to to dip below the trees lining our deep isolated gorge. A pause fell in the conversation as we both took note of the lowering sun, shyly but firmly he took my hand and said “I am not experienced in casual encounters with water nymphs but I live nearby, the sun will still be in my deck and I have cold beers in the fridge if you would like to continue this conversation?”

My mind poised to say ‘no, perhaps another time’ my mouth opened and uttered, “yes” closely followed by nervous yet ecstatic laughter. My mind now sought reason, the magic of this strange delirium may be lost if we disrupt its flow. He chivalrously offered a hand to assist me to rise and our eyes smouldered in each others with this slight touch. I dove gracefully into the water and swam back across to the rocks and my waiting clothes. Opting to carry our clothes and dry out on his deck meant that wrapped in towels we clambered back up the nearly obscured track to my car, he had walked he really did live close by. Nervously I invited him into my car. Ignition of the engine cued music blaring obscenely loudly from the stereo, I had been singing boisterously to G-Love on my way to swim. My embarrassed hand flew to the volume dial to find his gently stopping me, “I love this song,” he said simply his voice rising to song unabashedly. I turned the car and he said “the first driveway on the left”. It took two whole minutes, when I parked again and looked at him with amusement gleaming in my eyes he said; “we could have walked but then I would have missed the song.”

Following his towel clad form up an external staircase I took in the solitude and beauty of the house. Nestled in the forest the house rose above the tree line enough to gain the greatest sun exposure without losing privacy and seclusion. I found my mind switch to wariness and wished that it did not.

Her mischievous sparkle leaves me undone. I should have been patient and waited for a more seemly time to meet and begin the dance of courting or wooing or whatever we are supposed to call it these days, but the strangeness of our encounter and our mutual rampant desire… I simply could not wait a moment longer for one it feels I have awaited my whole life. I wanted to watch her climb the stairs but that would have been rude I am inviting her to my home I should lead the way. The view would capture her at the top and give me time to gather my senses and hospitality.

I was greeted at the top of the stairs to native bird song as several birds darted among the flowering potted shrubs on the deck and trees growing up from below. It was an unexpected wild aviary delighting me with the sound and sight of birds that appeared half tame. Before I was aware he had handed me a cold beer and set down a platter of cheeses, crackers, slices of meats, olives and sliced fresh vegetables. He was suggesting a seat on the swing chair and I nearly kissed him again in rapture of the moment. He had referred to me as a nymph but there was something decidedly otherworldly about him.

Her pleasure and surprise lit her expression with innocent and genuine delight. That my simple existence could be the source of this pleasure flushed me with pride. Her eyes told of her passion withheld and I longed to claim it again as I had in those first moments. Now that decorum had been restored we would pace out our desires. As she settled into the swing seat next to me and held her beer bottle out to offer ‘salut’ to the beauty of the afternoon I could barely restrain myself from ungracious fervour. As she sipped from the bottle I wanted to lick the tiny droplet that remained on her lip. Words were failing me again as raw desire emerged.

I gratefully indulged in the cool satiation of the beer and took sample of the platter before me. The naked need in his eyes ignited my unseemly desire. I let my damp towel fall aside bravely exposing my bikini clad body and brazenly posed myself for the pleasure of his eyes wanting those hands upon me again and his mouth and tongue to tend to my body rather than the words we had so eagerly spent. I closed my eyes for a moment and allowed the suns warmth to add further heat to my need then opened them again offering my naked desire to him.

She was killing me with her movements so casually unwrapping her near nakedness to bask in the sun then when her eyes returned to me I understood she was offering herself to me, exposing herself intentionally to my desire. Neither of us had experienced this bizarre harmony of strangers colliding. That much we had discussed. We had no rules, slipping back into reality seemed to belittle what we had seen, felt, wanted and needed of each other. I reached for her and as my mouth found hers it felt as though a lock opened within me and I was free.

His tongue teased my mouth mercilessly sucking, teasing, licking and swirling in a fury of measured passion. His hand finally touched my skin when I thought I would fade into the ether with the pleasure coursing through my veins. I wanted to grab his flesh and grip him fiercely with my nails to be sure that he and this moment were real. My voice reduced one again to primal moans of delicious pleasure. I trusted myself to touch his sun kissed skin fell the warmth of his toned flesh. His tongue left my mouth pausing only to allow a moment to lock eyes and see my reassurance.

She tasted of so many things, memories, both comforting yet new and astounding. I fought with myself to remain in control and take this gently. The sounds emanating from deep within her touched me deeply within my soul and body. Did she have any idea how I worshiped her beauty? I took a glance at her eyes to be sure I had invitation before tasting her further. Returning to her glorious firm breasts I slid the nylon from them once again to feast upon her. I was so hard it almost hurt but the first time, our primera moment; I would taste all of her before I attended to my need.

I feared that he would stop. That this moment, the feelings within me would cease when my union to him had become my everything. The absurdity distracted me momentarily then I ran my hands through his hair locking his body to mine. I wanted my mouth on him but he was intent on my breasts and I knew he was heading for my luscious prize. I didn’t try to speed him up as I knew he was conducting this tour of ecstatic union. I pushed my body to him in attempt to express my absolute want.

I found my way eagerly yet temperately to her musty sex, river scent and nylon encased her I released our embrace to catch her eyes again and remove the item encasing her depths. She shuddered and sighed with longing as I removed them and confident with her desire, her permission I took my gaze to her nakedness. She was hairless and gorgeous. I burrowed to scent her then teased her with my tongue everywhere around the places I wanted most. Keenly I listened to her increased moans aching needing directing. Her voice sang please taste me, touch my sacred jewel let me sing my siren song for you.

Finally I allowed my hot tongue to flicker on her jewel I knew she was almost peaking already my slow torture and the uniqueness of our meeting had effected her as deeply as me. I didn’t want to torture her too long so gave her the fullness of my tongue and was rewarded with deep moans and incoherent vocal expression as I settled into a deeper motion her orgasm arrived I listened to her sounds and touch in my hair as I continued to take her as far as she could cope with before gently entering her with my fingers. My hardness was desperate to penetrate this burning hot, wet entrance but not just yet.

I almost screamed when his strong fingers gently entered into my depths but I held the sound to instead feel the moment. No one had ever given me what he was giving me and this was our first moment. I wanted to feel him within me. I suddenly ached for the wholeness that I knew would come from being joined with him. His head lifted fingers still moving within me and as his eyes met mine I gave him my soul. This unknown man, this chance meeting of two beings that had been seeking and stumbled upon one another in a place sacred to each.

When I met her eyes I could do nothing but scoop her up in my arms and carry her to my bed that we could begin what fate had gifted us. For however long we had whether this one afternoon or an entire lifetime I knew I could not ever forget or let this opportunity pass. I lay her down knowing her orgasm still gripped her and gently but firmly entered her, her hips rising to meet my every lengthy thrust and for the first time in my life I came while gazing intently into her eyes as she gushed around me in spasms of euphoric release. I lay down next to her, still within her, our eyes unblinking and unashamed as the symphony of birdsong serenaded us.

Words by errant satiety (the hopeless romantic)

Note on the Radiohead clip, this video is wonderful. Please do watch it, it is a fantastic example of what the gorgeous Mel had to say today/yesterday (lovely lady it applies to gentlemen as well as the ladies….)



I noticed today that my inner child has curled up away from the world, my playfulness guarded with wary somber, interactions clothed in cautious mistrust, my sexuality hidden beneath plated armor. In my everyday life I have closed a part of me away dousing my usual vibrancy, cheeky wit and natural smile. Is this the result of the ending of my 2013? Or a general malaise born of frustration in my nine to five that houses, feeds and clothes but does nothing for my creative desires? I hold deep sadness in my heart an unsounded loss that I quail at, longing for something on the tip of my tongue but unable to give voice or articulacy. It rumbles disconsolately and now, as I take pause, forms shape; mortality sensed, regret pours in, glimpsed half thoughts ignored unite creating a cohesive image. I feel my age, I see life’s potential ending and know I have regret. I want greater meaning and honesty, I want a life of my own. It is time to shake my tresses free of the mundane and let my soul stretch and bathe in imaginations light.

I will start, as I always do when serious about something, with a list.

Words by errant satiety image from deviantart