Fall

curl_by_schnitzelyne-d6rz86y

Curling.

An autumn leaf

Turns from cooling sun

Embracing essence

Hopeful of survival

Against seasonal odds

Brace against the embraceable

Contain the essence of self

Protect against harsh influence

Survive beyond thirst

Beyond potential comfort

Cling to breath

And blessing

Survive.

 

Words errant

images stolen from the internet

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Shine bright, like a diamond.

“Our image of perfection is the reason we reject ourselves – the way we are – and why we don’t accept others the way they are.” Don Miguel Ruiz

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Attaining ‘perfection’ is a perpetual journey. Yet the word perfection is misleading and a potentially devastating trap. The quote; ‘Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without’ highlights that there is no perfection without flaw. It suggests reaching for the most magnificent version of our selves while knowing the flaws; the ‘negatives’ help to create a whole version of ourselves. The concept of perfection can be a falsehood that leads us to constantly feel lacking or not good enough. It potentially denies our core self by seeking to uphold an image of perfection. Whereas attaining holistic balance is a very real and honest process of being, or rather becoming. This describes an active process of growth and attainment where we accept ourselves as we truly are yet seek growth. Our flaws lead us to growth. I see no separation between light and dark, no duality only unity with moments of friction and dissonance providing room for change within our selves.

The first time I read the diamond with a flaw quote I was stumped by it. A humble yet perfect pebble seemed a greater achievement than something ‘grander’ but flawed. I soon found that maintaining perfection was dissatisfying and limiting, I ached for challenge and growth. I was exhausted by the constant effort to avoid my flaws in order to appear the humble perfect pebble; always happy never discontent or hurting. Yet when I embraced my flaws and moved through the discomfort of facing them I became something stronger, more durable, more beautiful and more real. Diamonds are formed through high temperature and massive pressure, this process creates the most durable and beautiful gem on the planet*. This process suggests discomfort. Humans tend to shy away from discomfort or suffer through it by rejecting ourselves because we are not perfect, but through accepting ourselves and gracefully working on our flaws we attain love for ourselves not self-inflicted suffering and rejection. Then we become open to the possibility of a greater version of ourselves that can live in the moment, without the devastating and painful voice of the inner critic shaming us, and we can shine bright like a diamond.

Words errant

Image courtesy of cichutko on DeviantArt

* India is the place where they were first thought to be mined perhaps 6000 years ago and they were revered as religious icons.

Limbering up.

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Stretching out of the silence, through the torpor, the ache, the awe… beginning to move toward the lyrical mind. There has been a enormous gulf that is impossible to fill, there is only one way to explore it…  and that is by being present, so once again, here I am.

words: errant satiety

images: Main image Routine Malaise; featured image photophobia both by ShesABromide on deviantart

Siblings

Today was one of thoughtful reminiscing, thinking of my brother and his daughter who has been and still is in such a dark place. I sat at lunchtime in the calm of a local park, alone with my thoughts firmly set on my brother when these two little siblings appeared…

Ducklings

In the wrong season (autumn descends upon us here in the Southern hemisphere) they cling to and care for one another. I wish I had recorded the audio of their language, peeping consistently to one another in the most captivating way.

I embraced my brother tonight speaking more honestly than I have in a long time. It did us both good. We grew up within the same dysfunctional environment which has affected us both in different yet similar ways. It feels good to be able to offer him what humble words of recollection and wisdom I have, and I know that for the first time he is hearing them.

A storm and a change of scene

Yesterday my son and I swapped his bedroom space and my home office space. There was a huge storm raging outside as we moved furniture and spring cleaned in the wrong season. With everything carefully placed, the cobwebs dusted and a change of art works on our walls; both of us found we were far more productive last night in our evening’s creative pursuits. He was building the architecture of an online world and I building the architecture of my current fantasy world. My flow was effortless and satisfying. With full time work, my son and my tango passion I find I have to be disciplined with my writing to keep my inspiration encouraged and vital. I hadn’t realised that my office, which doubles as an occasional spare room, had become ‘cluttered’ and this was affecting my writing flow. Everyday my minimum expectation is 500 words toward my novel (more is great but I am content if I achieve 500 a day). Last night I put in an easy 2000 plus played about with a few other random bits and pieces that will end up posted here.

Today everyone seems to be a state of post storm bliss… all that gale force wind and heavy driving rain has left the world sparkling and refreshed, the sun is out and everyone is smiling. At lunch time I walked through my favourite park to, literally, smell the roses in bloom. This is a park I remember visiting with my mother when I would have been just two years old. The young ones were drawn to me today, I met several, one after another, who all caught my eyes searching them deeply, for a moment it seemed our souls touched then they beamed at me and greeted me jubilantly with their happy little voices. Ah, what a wonderful day with magic heavy in the air. My heart is very content.

Today, simply today

Fullness in my heart, magic tingling across my skin. A blissful day today. Simple pleasures provide a rich joy in life, a joy that carries me through the longing. I can imagine a future where my dreams & goals will be achieved. Patience is a virtue … even when frustration threatens to drown my thoughts with emotion, or perhaps particularly then.