‘The hidden world has it’s clouds and rain, but of a different kind.

It’s sky and sunshine are of a different kind.

This is made apparent only to the refined ones – those not deceived by the seeming completeness of the ordinary world’

Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī (1207-1273)

As illusion or reality, or within the eye of the beholder, time is relative. Relative in the sense that how we experience it, from the subjective or objective self; or that other place referred to sometimes as the ‘observing self’*. From each of these places time differs. From each of these places the ability to learn, adapt and change differs.

From the objective self, that recognises the seemingly simple fact that the matter that makes up our unique form can interact with other matter, time is about measurable forces: It takes two minutes to brush the teeth in my gums in my mouth, I know the length of time my tea requires to infuse before removing the teabag and adding milk, sugar or cold water then calculating the measure of time before I attempt to consume the heated liquid to avoid harming my delicate  bodily form. It is formed from physical interactions and the memories of those interactions. This is our sensory self.

From the subjective self, somewhat less precise measurements appear. Emotion enters the frame which creates all manner of differing perspectives on time. Time to heal. Time to calm down. Time to catch the trout that eludes me. Time to write that poem that is on my mind. This kind of time is highly relative. We all need a different amount of time to manage, understand and come to terms with our emotions. This kind of time relates to our culture, our environment, our genes, our experiences, education, beliefs and morals… the list is perhaps in-exhaustive depending on the subjective consciousness of the ‘whom’ that writes it. This is our thinking, feeling, sensorial self.

From the observing self another kind of time entirely is engaged. What is the observing self? Since your birth your cells have died and regenerated. If we were entirely biological beings with no consciousness or ability to form lasting memory networks then we would not retain any sense of ‘I’. We may retain object consciousness on a basic survival level, fire equals potential harm therefore caution is required, but not retain a sense of ‘I am this particular being that holds memories and information pertaining to my subjective existence’. The observing self is a form of consciousness that overarches, or integrates, all of this. It is that I we enter sparingly, some more than others, that sees connections, knowledge, experience and emotion differently. This is our mystical self. The self that observes our subjective (and objective) self.

What real life application does these potentially esoteric observations offer? The ability for growth and change. The ability for intuitive moments and great leaps of consciousness and understanding. The opportunity of an experience beyond the immediate and potentially known ‘self’ within which to temper experience. A ‘place’ beyond the temporal, reaching into something much deeper; that which is called by many names (and religious/spiritual traditions) and is open to all to experience directly, exposing and developing their identity with something greater than any individual, the whole. The whole and our journey of our developmental and eventual evolutionary journey to become. Evolution# comes from small change. Perhaps beginning to understand ourselves provides greater opportunity for progression.

Words and thoughts by errant

*Arthur J. Deikman, M.D: ‘The Observing Self’ Beacon Press, Boston, 1982.

# Not to belittle or confuse this ‘sacred’ scientific word that usually relates to progression or adaptation of a species over many, many generations; not short samples of less than 1-3 generations

Image courtesy of biancamelite

Ear parcel 1: Radioactive; Imagine Dragons This is it, the apocolypse.

Ear parcel II: Sail AWOLNATION; but never kill yourself if you are a different breed…. in my opinion, no angel should die.

Ear parcel III: A somewhat more upbeat link; The Lumineers – Ophelia

If you are feeling alone, talk to someone here relative to your country; I am here, but limited by NZ timezone, I will always read and respond to your message but you have to give me 48hrs to get back to you, ok? Message me anyway.




My dog is nice

Still water

I once said in a response to a compliment “that is nice”, the Israeli man I was speaking with looked at me and said “my dog is nice, you are beautiful.”

I worked on a site-specific dance project a few years back. We spent 10 days in the harsh mountainous wilderness of New Zealand creating short pieces within the stunning but severe and changeable environment. The small crew was made up from dancers and cinematographers from the US, Indonesia, Australia and New Zealand. We departed on the first day to walk up the mountain with everything required. Once we arrived at the base hut we made home and gathered to talk. These daily talks became a source of wonder. In the first we discussed the faults that teach of us had and how this might impact the work.  The resounding flaw of mine that was raised was that I was, and I quote, ‘too nice’. I was bemused as to what to do about this seemingly negative trait.

We worked hard, in fact on the first day as we ascended to the mountain peak I was not at my best (at this time I was struggling with several undiagnosed auto-immune diseases) yet I made it with everyone else to the peak and we danced in an almost ridiculously dangerous gale force wind. This wind returned on another day to which myself and another beautiful dancer performed a near naked a duet. It was both insanity and stunningly sublime. The entire time we filmed I was aware of this statement that I was ‘too nice’. I thought because of this that I was a periphery to the work. It wasn’t until the final edit was released and shown publically that I realised I was equal to everyone else and in fact that I took a starring role in most of the final cuts. Again when it came to submitting our diaries for the website my work, although raw, featured significantly. This project taught me something about being ‘nice’; it is a part of me. It is not something I can shed and if that were the only thing these dancers who knew me intimately could come up with as a ‘negative’ then, well I am fine with that. I was in contact with the producer of this piece (editing some work he was writing) about 10 days ago and he had joked whether I was still being ‘too nice’. I assured him resolutely that I was.

This past week I was seriously challenged. I questioned my self, my deep self, that part of me that is kind and ‘nice’ to all in my life (except those I feel intuitively uncomfortable with and I generally have a very strong intuition). I thought seriously about changing who I am publically. I saw this week (once again) that my perhaps my true self is best kept under wraps and muted, when I let it out invariably trouble finds me, as it did this week. Yet a single comment from one person who I deal with almost daily yet do not feel ‘close to’ made me realise the futility and stupidity of this idea. She said, “You can’t change who you really are and you my friend are implicitly nice, you are beautiful. If anyone ever tried to do what that man suggested I know that there are easily a hundred people here in this work place alone that would stand behind you to be sure that either it never happened or if it did that he paid a very heavy price. That smile of yours is a blessing and I know I am not the only one who would fight to the death to make sure that smile is always in the world, unchanged.”


I am going to keep on being nice like that Israeli mans dog even if it means I get kicked occasionally because apparently there are more that see my light than those who wish to extinguish it.

Musical offering (a little bit of Christmas spirit and incredible beautiful)

Words and image by Errant Satiety