Fall

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Curling.

An autumn leaf

Turns from cooling sun

Embracing essence

Hopeful of survival

Against seasonal odds

Brace against the embraceable

Contain the essence of self

Protect against harsh influence

Survive beyond thirst

Beyond potential comfort

Cling to breath

And blessing

Survive.

 

Words errant

images stolen from the internet

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Change

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‘The hidden world has it’s clouds and rain, but of a different kind.

It’s sky and sunshine are of a different kind.

This is made apparent only to the refined ones – those not deceived by the seeming completeness of the ordinary world’

Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī (1207-1273)

As illusion or reality, or within the eye of the beholder, time is relative. Relative in the sense that how we experience it, from the subjective or objective self; or that other place referred to sometimes as the ‘observing self’*. From each of these places time differs. From each of these places the ability to learn, adapt and change differs.

From the objective self, that recognises the seemingly simple fact that the matter that makes up our unique form can interact with other matter, time is about measurable forces: It takes two minutes to brush the teeth in my gums in my mouth, I know the length of time my tea requires to infuse before removing the teabag and adding milk, sugar or cold water then calculating the measure of time before I attempt to consume the heated liquid to avoid harming my delicate  bodily form. It is formed from physical interactions and the memories of those interactions. This is our sensory self.

From the subjective self, somewhat less precise measurements appear. Emotion enters the frame which creates all manner of differing perspectives on time. Time to heal. Time to calm down. Time to catch the trout that eludes me. Time to write that poem that is on my mind. This kind of time is highly relative. We all need a different amount of time to manage, understand and come to terms with our emotions. This kind of time relates to our culture, our environment, our genes, our experiences, education, beliefs and morals… the list is perhaps in-exhaustive depending on the subjective consciousness of the ‘whom’ that writes it. This is our thinking, feeling, sensorial self.

From the observing self another kind of time entirely is engaged. What is the observing self? Since your birth your cells have died and regenerated. If we were entirely biological beings with no consciousness or ability to form lasting memory networks then we would not retain any sense of ‘I’. We may retain object consciousness on a basic survival level, fire equals potential harm therefore caution is required, but not retain a sense of ‘I am this particular being that holds memories and information pertaining to my subjective existence’. The observing self is a form of consciousness that overarches, or integrates, all of this. It is that I we enter sparingly, some more than others, that sees connections, knowledge, experience and emotion differently. This is our mystical self. The self that observes our subjective (and objective) self.

What real life application does these potentially esoteric observations offer? The ability for growth and change. The ability for intuitive moments and great leaps of consciousness and understanding. The opportunity of an experience beyond the immediate and potentially known ‘self’ within which to temper experience. A ‘place’ beyond the temporal, reaching into something much deeper; that which is called by many names (and religious/spiritual traditions) and is open to all to experience directly, exposing and developing their identity with something greater than any individual, the whole. The whole and our journey of our developmental and eventual evolutionary journey to become. Evolution# comes from small change. Perhaps beginning to understand ourselves provides greater opportunity for progression.

Words and thoughts by errant

*Arthur J. Deikman, M.D: ‘The Observing Self’ Beacon Press, Boston, 1982.

# Not to belittle or confuse this ‘sacred’ scientific word that usually relates to progression or adaptation of a species over many, many generations; not short samples of less than 1-3 generations

Image courtesy of biancamelite

Ear parcel 1: Radioactive; Imagine Dragons This is it, the apocolypse.

Ear parcel II: Sail AWOLNATION; but never kill yourself if you are a different breed…. in my opinion, no angel should die.

Ear parcel III: A somewhat more upbeat link; The Lumineers – Ophelia

If you are feeling alone, talk to someone here relative to your country; I am here, but limited by NZ timezone, I will always read and respond to your message but you have to give me 48hrs to get back to you, ok? Message me anyway.

 

 

 

Context

Today’s random interaction with a work colleague; he passed by my desk on his way out the door and innocently enough in a humorous tone asked: ‘behaving yourself?’ to which I responded ‘I have done my best so far.’ To which he paused mid-stride, turned to me and replied ‘Good girl.’ Time stopped for the briefest moment as I caught myself from replying ‘yes Sir’, his words had me weak at the knees; a random moment with a colleague where we were both speaking another language… or possibly not. Luckily he missed the depth of my blush.

This highlighted to me how subjective life is, how we have to be careful what words we choose to communicate with an Other.

If we choose nominalisations that have different (often emotive) meanings to every individual we can end up sounding like a politician with each person that has heard the conversation hearing something different because they associate different values to and experience the word differently (like ‘education’ as a stand alone with no further context). Although this will always happen to some degree simply because life is subjective.

It also reminded me of autopilot or default screen saver ‘syndrome’ where commonly used phrases (or behaviours) drop out of your mouth out of context. For example, in the scenario above, I happen to know this colleague has two young daughters at home. The phrase he used is very liked to be commonly used by him in the context of his family but transposes to the workplace a little incongruently. If I had responded ‘yes Sir’, a phrase becoming common to me with in the context of a D/s relationship, it may have sounded odd, or perhaps an attempt at humour… (A similar thing happens in Tango, when either the lead dancer or follow goes into autopilot mode they have left the context of the dance, left the present moment and killed the improvisation.)

Anyway, what all this made me realise is that I want to be more ‘in the moment’ during my day. I want to be clearer in my communication. To do that I need to be more present and receptive to those I am engaged with in conversation. Language is a powerful tool and I want to further enrich my toolbox with a deeper vocabulary – just call me the word whore.