Stretching out of the silence, through the torpor, the ache, the awe… beginning to move toward the lyrical mind. There has been a enormous gulf that is impossible to fill, there is only one way to explore it… and that is by being present, so once again, here I am.
With a final long rumble of thundering skies the sun has returned to the sky, a sea of droplets upon the world become prisms, star bursts in daylight. After several days the storm has passed; stillness falls upon the world as the living creatures emerge blinking in the dazzling sunlight to see the changed world.
What has changed within me? The storms passing leaves me frustrated. All that rain and opportunity to be inside crafting words I have not been able to, a forced silence that irritates my soul. Issues to solve that have been impossible and remain so. But now finally I sit in the sun with manuscript in hand to begin again.
Forgive my absence here but I will return, momentarily with a sated soul, for now I immerse in my written world.
“I believe this. When we meet those we fall in love with, there is an aspect of our spirit that is historian, a bit of a pedant who reminisces or remembers a meeting when the other has passed by innocently…but all parts of the body must be ready for the other, all atoms must jump in one direction for desire to occur.”
– Michael Ondaatje, ‘The English Patient’.
I bathed in moonlight and scented myself in the night. I dressed ritually, as if for a wedding or some other rite of passage. Finally, soothed, prepared, cloaked to absorb some of my unseemly iridescence, I enter the scene. I know this is the right place and moment. My glance takes in the room mentally checking my celestial clock… right on time. I see him glance up and smell the air. I pass through the room lyrically dancing between the press of swaying intoxicated bodies, smiling knowingly and with warning at the men attempting to intercept my path. They fall away hearts pounding as they watch me move beyond them. You feel my approach turning as I confidently pause. We have not yet entered each others proximity but you know. Your hazel yellow eyes widen and your cloak deepens as you extend a hand. I meet your gaze with my impossible blue eyes as I take your hand I let my cloak fall before you. Lifetimes of faces dance between us as you devilishly smile. Yes you remember me; I have found you once again. My hair still echoes my movement, such little real time has passed. Laughing deeply you take in my smile and offer me a drink. More devil than human you hope to diminish my angelic charm. We have danced this night a thousand times, a thousand different ways, perhaps tonight we might get it right? With a gleam in my eye I reply, “I’ll have an Angel’s Delight.”
I am rattling around the rooms in my mind today, anxious and irritable. Looking in all the corners returning to the same dusty spots over and over again seeking what is lost. I know it’s in here somewhere if only I could just find it! What have I misplaced? My good sense. My control. I have only been back blogging for a week, and was only really away for a week before I transformed into errant but errant is what I am. As in the straying from the path sense of the word. At what point did I stray? When did I suddenly need, desperately need to have wordpress open all the time so I don’t miss a beat? What pushingourlimits said. Addicted.
Apologies for rampant commenting last night while I supped on wine and pondered grief, love and loss. We always think we are brilliantly clever after the first glass…